Just handle my eggs...

Waitress: How do you want your EGGS done, Sirs?

American: I want my egg fried.

Japanese: I want it boiled.

Pinoy: Ala eh! Sa kin, hawakan mo na lang, masarap na yaan!

Raspahin mo ako Dok...

Sa Ospital

NARS : Duktor, bakit nyo tinanggihan yung pasyente kanina?
DUKTOR : Saan?, sa Delivery room?
NARS : Hindi, yung nasa Receiving room.
DUKTOR : Ahhh, yung bakla’.
NARS : Opo, Baka sabihin may discrimination tayo, porke bakla siya.
DUKTOR : Nakuuu!, ano naman ang raraspahin ko sa kanya?

Gay famous Quotes

Quotable quotes for gay.

"Aanhin mo ang gwapo kung mas malandi pa sayo"

[whats good for a good looking guy if hes more flirt than you..]

"Walang matinong lalake sa malanding kumpare "

[there's no serious man to a flirt bestfriend....]

source: www.favim.com

"Wala nang hihigit pa sa malansang isda, kundi ang isang baklang balahura"

[translations not possible...lol]

"Sa hinaba-haba ng prosisyon, bading din pala ang iyong ka relasyon"

[in the long end, you'll end up in a gay relationship...]

"Ang tumatakbo ng matulin, may gwapong hahabulin "

[if someone is running fast, its because hes running after a cute guy...]

"Matalino man ang bading, napeperahan parin "

[a gay guy maybe be smart but still he will be generous,to give money...]

English - Ilocano Dictionary

Nothing - naimas na idengdeng

Incoming - agpak pakadan agawid

Juice - taga salakan ti basol tayo

Ceiling - palayaw ni celina

Say it - garampang nga babae

Rating - nagtubo nga lasag

To Call - nagsina nga tulang

To Cling - nagan ti billit

A Claw - pagga-o ti innapoy

Turn it - naka isbo ti bassit

The Goal - lider ti goin bulilit

Dully Can - pagluttuan ti makan

Table - natangkken na takki

Cotton - babassit na agkakarayam jay nasam-it

Waiting - tayaan iti numero

A Booth - nakali nga daga

Arm men - agdiga ti mabalin nga manobyo wenno nobya

Aging kit - marigatan na umanges

A Tongue - isagana para kadagiti kararwa

Back - baket nga balasang

Bug teeth - agmauyong, adda dadael utek na

Buttock - agbirok ti kabibi jay karayan

Cruising - pummurarw nga kudil no kudkudem, awan losyon na

Dog gong - timmangken nga buteg

Dog Youth - narugit ken nawara

Jack it - pagbadu a nu nalamiis

Free - pinabassit nga paggawag ken kumpare

Mutton - dakkel ti bagi na

Nursing - palayaw ni baket narcisa

Pan rest - iruar ti buteg jay agong

Bahay Kubo (Gay Version)

Sing this song in the tune of Bahay Kubo...

Ready... start... sing...

Valer kuberch 

Kahit jutay

Ang julamantrax donchi Ay anek-anek

Nyongkamas at nutring

Nyogarilyas at kipay

Nyitaw, nyotaw, jutani

Kundol, jutola

Jupot jolabastquax

At mega join-join pa

Jobanox nyustasa

Nyubuyax, nyomatis

Nyowang at luyax

And around the keme ay

fullness ng lingax!

Ang manok... BOW

Anak: Tay, may manok sa kusina tinutuka ung bigas..

Tatay: Paalisin mo..!!

Anak: Hoy manok umalis ka nga dito..

Tatay: Bobo gulatin mo..

Anak: Hoy manok bulaga!! :)

Tatay: Bugok takutin mo..!!
Anak: Manoook aswang ako awoooo...
Tatay: Nyemas! Bugawin mo!
Anak: Boss chikz 50 lng batang bata pa..
Tatay: Hulihin mo na nga lang..
Anak: Manok! Pulis ako. Taas pak-pak..!!!!!
Tatay: Lintik! Ikaw ang lumayas!!
Anak: Ako tay!
Tatay: Ay hindi! Hindi! Ako na lang baka mapatay pa kita...

Ngongo Dictionary

CATTLE - dun nakatira ang printeta at printipe

MELT - yun ang sinusuot sa mewang

EFFORT - dun nag-la-land ang efflane

STATUE - ikaw ba yan?

utot...ut-ttot

Anak: Anya english na ti utot?
Tatay: Wind of change
Anak: Eh jay utot ngay nga awan aweng na?
Tatay: Sound of silence
Anak: Jay utot ngay nga adda takki na?
Tatay: Dust in the wind
Anak: Eh jay utot ngay nga han nga insadya?
Tatay: Yan ang careless whisper!
Anak: Ej jay utot ngay nga tiptipiden?
Tatay: Yan ang paborito ko, Unchained Melody

Pasikatan sa Sigarilyo

PASIKATAN NG MGA BATA TUNGKOL SA USOK NG SIGARILYO

Tatlong bata ang nagpasikatan kung kaninong ama ang pinaka magaling magpa usok ng sigarilyo. Sabi ng unang bata "A tatay ko lumalabas ang usok ng sigarilyo sa mata.", Sabi naman ng ikalawa ay "Wala iyan, ang tatay ko pinapalabas ang usok sa tenga !!" hehehe with feelings pang sinaba. Sabi naman ng pangatlong bata " Talo kayo, pina ka magaling pala ang erpat ko. Pag naninigarilyo umuusok ang puwet." "Maniwala ka diyan" taas boses na sigaw ng mga naunang bata. "Aber. me pruweba ka ba?" pasigunda pa. Ang sagot naman sa kanila ay. "MASKI TIGNAN MO ANG BRIEFS NG ERPAT KO ME NICOTINE PA." EEEEYAAAHOOOOO!! HEHEHE.

source: www.flickr.com 

The late Mayor...

Sa isang rally...

Konsehal: Paki acknowledge si Mayor. Late dumating, hayun kararaan lang!

Emcee: I WUD LYK TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE LATE MAYOR HU JUST PASSED AWAY.

source:cartoonacademy.blogspot.com 

Kumain ng Cheesdog

Ginabi ang dalaga sa pag-uwi...

Dalaga: 'Nay pasensya na kayo hah ginabi ako kasi kinain ko pa ang cheesedog ng boyfriend ko eh !!

Nanay: Wala yon anak, totoo naman eh may mayonaise pa nga ang labi mo eh !....

source: www.cosmic-castle.com

Compilation of Erap Jokes (Part 2)

Here's another collection of Erap Jokes. Stay cool and relax. Read the first part here.


Ramos: Erap, why do you cry while eating Chippy? And why do you shed your tears on the wrapper?
Erap: Because it says here on top "Tear here"
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In a cabinet meeting ERAP (galit na galit) :
THERE HAS BEEN A LOT OF ALLEGATIONS THESE DAYS AND I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHO THE "ALLIGATORS' ARE.
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ERAP IN LIBRARY
"What time does the library open?" Erap on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M.. " came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" Erap asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Ha, who said I wanted to get in?" Erap sighed sadly. "I want to get out!"

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Erap was trying to get in touch with his son, Jinggoy, so he decided to page him.
He dialled '141 - 777777' and an operator answered, " Hello, pager number 777777, sender's name please..."
Erap answered " Ahh... ERAP."
The operator continued, " Message please."
Erap said, " Ahhh... Jinggoy, this is your father. Your beeper is with me."

************************************************************************************************************

One particular day many years ago, Erap's wife was having labor pains.
Erap panicked so, he called their doctor.
Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor!
Doc: Is she in a lot of pain?
Erap: Yes, doc!
Doc: Is this the first baby?
Erap: No, doc. This is Erap!

************************************************************************************************************

Q:Bakit nakatingala si Cory sa langit? 
A:Nagdarasal siya. 
Q:Bakit nakatingala si FVR sa langit? 
A:Para ibuga ang usok ng tabako. 
Q:Bakit nakatingala si GMA sa langit? 
A: Nag-iisip kung papaano siya makakalusot sa issue.
Q: Bakit nakatingala si Erap sa langit? 
A: Nagbibilang ng bituin.


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Sotto: Ok Mr. President, last Senator with reservation is the Lady Senator from Ilo-Ilo.

Erap: Ok the Dragon Lady Senator Pick-up Lines of Ilo-ilo and my friend Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago is recognized.

Santiago: Thank You Mr. President, I don’t know if I can call that a compliment or an insult to my persona but nonetheless I will proceed. But before I ask the witness Mr. president, let me just ask you. Mr. President, plastic ka ba?

Erap: Hindi ah, hindi ako plastic. Anong pinagsasabi mong plastic. *Miriam interrupts*

Santiago: Oh my God Mr. President, that is a pick-up line, didn’t you get that.

Erap: Ah eh, sorry kala ko tinatawag mo ako na plastic eh.

Santiago: You are too defensive Mr. President, are you guilty? hahaha. Anyways again, I will repeat my question, Mr. President, Plastic ka ba?

Erap: Ok, sige; Plastic? Bakit?

Santiago: Kasi tinapon ka na, eh na-recycle ka pa. wahahahha

************************************************************************************************************

ERAP to MNLF : Sumuko na kayo!

MNLF: Di kami susuko pag di mo maispel ang CEASEFIRE.

ERAP : Tangina! Tuloy ang giyera.

************************************************************************************************************

Mag-ama nga sila...

Ama: anak magsaing ka na
Anak: paano ako magsasaing,eh wala po tayong bigas?
Ama: aralin mo ang magluto na walang bigas..
Anak: tay kain na po kayo tapos na po akong nagsaing
Ama: bakit walang kanin?
Anak: tay aralin nyong kumain na na walang kanen..
Ama: bwesit ka na bata ka.. magmula ngayon h’wag mo na akong tawaging tatay……
Anak: ok friend…
nyahahahha :)

************************************************************************************************************
Ama: Bading ka ba?
Anak: Opo, dadi
Ama: (Dinuldol sa harina c jr). Ano?! Bading ka pa ba?!
Anak: Hin di na po.
Ama: Eh ano na?
Anak: Geisha na po! (Ang taray!)
************************************************************************************************************

AMA: Anak pag namatay ako, ikaw umasikaso ng burol ko. 
ANAK: Opo! ano po gusto nyo, libing o cremate? 
AMA: Bahala ka na, isurprise mo n l...
************************************************************************************************************

Tatay: 'Nak, bili mo ko ng soft drink.
Anak: Coke o Pepsi? 
Tatay: Coke. 
Anak: Diet o regular?
Tatay: Regular.
Anak: Bote o can? 
Tatay: Bote
Anak: 8 oz o litro? 
Tatay: Leche! Tubig na lang.
Anak: Mineral, distilled o purified?


************************************************************************************************************

Mag ama may sinundo sa pier…first time nakakita ang bata ng barko at sabi…

Anak: Wow Tay! ang laki-laking DANGKA naman nyan tay ohh!

(ama binatukan ang anak dahil sa pagbigkas ng bangka)

Ama: Anong dangka ka dyan! ang laki-laki mo na dangka ng dangka ka pa rin…alam mo anak hindi dangka kung di DARKO yan anak! DARKO kasi malaki yan…

English - French Dictionary

Let's learn French today...

1. TURN - le coup

2. LITER- le true

3. BEHIND - le coud

4. ALMS - le mousse

5. FIVE - le ma

6. FLY - le pad

7. DID NOT TAKE A BATH - le bag

8. CONFUSED- le tou

9. UNFAITHFUL HUSBAND- coma le wah

10. CITY - ce vou

11. DRUGS - sha vou

12. GOODBYE - va vou

13. MUSICAL BAND - com vou

14. BALD - cal vou

15. UNCLEAR - ma la vou

16. SINK - lah va vou

17. ERAP --vou vou

18. COCONUT - vou coup

20. YOU KNOW WHO -- na vou coup